1. A day without sunshine is, like, night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7.. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.

10.. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. 

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. 

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand. 

14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark? 

15. If the eye be evil the whole body is in darkness!

16. If the light in you be darkness, how great is that?

17. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane. 

18. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

21. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

22. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

23. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, “What the heck happened?”

24. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.

25. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

26. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates . it’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn you tomorrow. 

 

27. To get help from friends, be slow to anger and don’t turn advice off.

28.  A soft answer, turns anger off.

29. Better be a track star if you get the first blow.

30. If you want friends, be friendly yourself.

31. Be a giver and You will want for nothing.

32. High heels do not make you taller.

33. You can’t add one meter to your height by wishful thinking.

34. Seek Wisdom and you won’t need anything else.

35. When you point a finger at someone, you will have three pointing back at you. It’s a given.